Behind Closed Doors

This might sound a little strange but lately I've been comparing my life to a house. Let me explain! I have a lot going on in my life! I have different groups of friends, two jobs, schoos, family, church, boy/girl relationships, God, etc. SO MUCH to juggle and maintain! Well to me each of these aspects signifies a room in "my house."

I like to think of my main rooms of my house as the ones that I let God be apart of readily. For example, I'll put my family in the living room. I'll put church life/church family in the kitchen (we always have yummy food at church so this seems fitting), and then my jobs in the dining room. My group of friends that I like to consider my "God squad friends"... the ones I know are open about their faith in God, the ones that I spend time worshiping God with, and most of the activities we do are to glorify God, that part of my life can go in the family room. It's super easy letting God right in the front door and leading him myself to these rooms. I'm holding His hand practially dragging Him into each and everyone one of these "rooms".

But in other aspects of my life I've had more trouble opening the door for God. Let's talk about my school life which I'm going to put in the office. Offices are pretty mey and that's kind of how I feel about school. Nursing school is tough... there is so much going on when it comes to school: tests, homework, studying, practicing, stress, demonstrations, reading, instructors and classmates, clinicals, etc. It's a whirlwind. Everyone is focused on getting good grades, passing tets out demos, and clinical prep. It's easy to push God away. A negative attitude pops up, ungretfullness seeps in, talking bad about an instructor, etc. But lately I've been cleaning up my office. Clearing off a space on my desk for God to join my in my school day. Afterall most of my time is spent at school... I'd hate to live without God during school which seems to take up ALL of my time. In order to start cleaning and to open this door that is typically closed I've focused on being thankful for this wonderful mind that God blessed me with and the opportunity of being able to attend nursing shool. I've been praying for His help and guidance when I'm stressed. I've been trying to demonstrate love to others by helping them when I can. And the hardest part has been avoiding negativity when things get tough.

So then there is my social life. Oh boy have I been trying to keep this room blocked off from God. I didn't want Him to take any part of my weekend until Sunday morning came along. So what if I went out with my friends and had a few too many drinks, stayed out to late, and flirted with some "lucky" gent. I'm having fun... I'm not doing anything illegal! But recently I've realized that it alters my mood and the choices that I make. I'd come home and go strait to bed without praying. i'd feel less than perfect the next day. I'd feel bad about dancing with that boy I had no interest in. And I knew it was taking it's toll on my body... God's gift of a body. This is still a challenge for me. I'm trying to find other things to do on the weekend to have fun without jeapordizing my beliefs and doing things that I don't want to hide from God. This is the basement of my house... "Oh come on God, the basement is dark and cold and really you don't want to go down there."

My friends love to go out! They love boys, they love to party, and they love to gossip! Now don't get me wrong these ladies are AMAZING women! They are beautiful on the inside and out. They have gotten me through some very tough times and have huge hearts!! But I will be the first to admit that when we're all out together I'm right there with them buying a drink and sharing the latest piece of gossip I've acquired. Even the things I knew God was shaking His head at I continued to take part in! But slowly God had started to wedge open the door of the "attic". He started showing me that while I was out doing these things and calling myself a "Chritian" that I was shining a pretty poor late on others. I wasn't representing what Christian's stand for. And I have realized that this is not how I want my awesome God represented! He is more than enough for me... I don't need these worldly things... so why am I doing them???!?!? I don't want anyone to get the idea that I NEED this other stuff. God is more than enough for me!!

And then there is my room. The room that I've had five extra dead bolt locks on since I was fourteen. NO WAY DOES GOD NEED TO BE IN THIS ROOM! This is MY room to have any which way I like it. I made this room extra closed off. This is the room that holds my "romantic relationships." It is my room, my relationship, my way!!! Mine mine mine! I know what I want and what I need. I'll pick the right guy... well enventually. I mean sure it hasn't worked in the past. I've been broken hearted and had failed relationship after failed relationship but really I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING! Okay, so maybe not. Maybe I THINK I know what I want and need but really who knows me better than my Creator? He knows my deepest desires. He knows what make me tick and what makes me melt. Okay okay, maybe He MIGHT know a thing or two about love. He does love me more than anyone else ever could. Maybe I should start undoing the deadbolts and let Him in. He wants nothing more than for me to be happy. Hmm, that's eye opening. Let God in to the most private aspects of my life and give him full reign? Wonder what could happen?

I still try to close the door in God's face sometimes. And I realize after I have done so that my life isn't as good without Him there. I need Him to be in every single aspect of my life. He is all powerful and is capable of so many glorious things! He's protected and provided for me all along. I really do WANT Him with me all the time. I just have to leave the doors wide open. No more hiddng behind closed doors!